In moving forward

Life doesn’t fall apart from one thing.  It’s a sequence of things.  It’s your history.  It’s the big boom that breaks your heart.  It’s hurtful words that bring you to your knees.  It’s the anger that stifles you when you feel misunderstood.  It’s your support system being ripped out from under you.  It’s the knowledge that asking for help will only bring judgement.

Life is not meant to fall apart.  Life is given to us to thrive and to flourish.  So when it does crumble, we try to keep it from crumbling even when we’re already standing in a pile of rubble.

Life crumbles when the foundation needs to be rebuilt.  See, I’ve been trying to fill in the cracks of my foundation, but it is a futile attempt.  This isn’t the first time I’ve had to rebuild my foundation.  What completely sucks is I thought I had finally built it right this time, on my terms.  But a foundation doesn’t need rebuilt if it’s a good one.

So I will do it again.  Better this time.  Better so that when it’s time for the walls to come down again the foundation is sturdy and shiny.  Better so that hard times can be a blip on the radar, not a Category 5.  Just better.  I deserve better, you do too.

And maybe, just maybe, I can finally be free of this funk.  6 months of apathy is enough.  No more numbing.  No more distractions to keep busy.  No more searching for positive things to keep me afloat.  It’s time to just sit in this sorrow.  I have been avoiding it, but I knew this was something I would have to face eventually, I can’t keep running.  It’s time to face this, it’s time to let it take over for a minute … and then rebuild.

It’s time to move forward.

Comments

  1. says

    I sit here staring at this post, like I have sooo many times before. Wishing I was someone that had the right words. Someone that could say and communicate the feelings I have in a way that both make sense and help heal. So many, too many in fact, times in the past. I leave saying nothing, because I am not that person. I know it’s a tiny thing, but my family thinks and prays for you guys often.

    Here’s to rebuilding!

  2. says

    It’s ok to be sad. It’s part of life. We HAVE to know sad, to know what happy is. We have to know turmoil, to know peace, we have to know pain to know healing. And it’s ok.
    You are one of the most amazing people I know. I have learned so much about life from you, and I treasure that.
    You know I will help you rebuild the best I can. I’m here for you. Always. <3 <3

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