“For the last several years, you’ve felt crummy the day before Thanksgiving…”
This is a snippet of the conversation Rustin and I had during dinner. To be honest, I never realized this “pattern” before tonight.
But I do. Feel crummy that is. Do you watch Everybody Loves Raymond? There’s this episode where where Ray gives Debra some “alone time” and he spies on her only to find that she spends her alone time crying. Well, I feel like any alone time I would be granted could be spent crying today, like Debra. Not for any particular reason- just as a release? Maybe?
I’m not really sure where I’m going with this post, but I was reading the weblog of someone who lost a child a year ago. I read it as it happened a year ago. It was very sad to say the very, very least. Why I do this to myself when I’m already feeling extra waterworks, I don’t know. It’s just what I do… as a way to hit bottom to build myself back type of thing, I guess.
But it sorta reminded me that even when we feel like we don’t have much to be thankful for, we forget the very basics of life that keep our worlds spinning – our health, our kids, our spouses, our hope. That should be enough to be thankful for a lifetime times a million. Ever thought that maybe your grass is greener to someone else? I bet not. Because we aren’t programmed to think like that. (Unless you’re some conceited freak.)
I imagine lots of folks are busy prepping for Thanksgiving, but by the off-chance that you’re reading this instead (which btw, would blow my mind in some sort of fantastical way) I invite you to – if only just for the night- be completely at peace where you are in your life. This is a challenge mostly for myself, but if you’re around I invite you to join me. This isn’t saying you don’t have goals for the future, and I’m not saying I’m not happy with my life… no. This is just a pause. A standstill. A breather. To enjoy this moment. Good, bad, or indifferent. Regardless of how you feel, or I feel, I will take the last few hours before this day is over to enjoy it, AS IT IS. Because tomorrow that spouse, that child, that hope could be gone in an instant. And somewhere in there, is where I believe true thanks giving lies.
“…but you always do incredible things Thanksgiving Day.”
This is the after-storm peace before the goodness.
Peaceful Thanksgiving Eve, everyone.